Back to the Future
by Arglefumph
Summary: Prosecutor Payne uses a time machine to erase Phoenix Wright from existence. Miles Edgeworth is forced to restore the original timeline.


The last person to leave the courtroom was a balding man in a yellow suit.

"Not guilty," Prosecutor Payne mumbled to himself. "I spent three months working on that case. _Three months!_ I know for a fact that Phoenix Wright took the case, five minutes before the trial. And what's the verdict? Not guilty."

Payne shook his head. He could never win against Phoenix Wright. Ever. In all 25 trials where Payne (or his brother) had gone up against the spiky-haired lawyer, the verdict was always not guilty.

_"I hate you, Phoenix Wright!"_ Payne said, smashing the table in front of him.

Prosecutor Payne sighed, and wished he was back in the good old days, when he was a feared prosecutor. They even called him "The Rookie Killer"! But his rising star came plummeting to Earth, under the heels of truly great lawyers, like Mia Fey and Miles Edgeworth. Now Payne was a laughingstock. No one bothered to remember his name. Almost like he was a useless tutorial character!

Payne ran his hand over his balding scalp, then started to pack some files into his suitcase. His hand lingered over the Court Record.

_This isn't my copy..._ Payne thought. _It must be Phoenix's._

Payne's attention was drawn to the profile section. Underneath his picture were the words "Winston Payne. Generally bad at getting his point across. Has he ever won a case? Given his advanced age, he should think about retirement."

Payne began swearing loudly. "I'm not old, you idiot! You'll pay for this, Wright! _I'll get my revenge someday!_"

* * *

Someday later, Prosecutor Payne won a time machine in a raffle. It was the second-place prize. The first-place prize was a car, and it went to Phoenix Wright.

"Beaten by him, _again?!_" Payne cried. "I can't believe it!"

Payne grabbed his book-shaped time machine and went home. He stewed in his misery for twenty minutes, then he had dinner, then he stewed in his misery some more.

_There must be some way to stop Phoenix Wright. There must be SOME WAY to make sure he never beats me again. Some way...some way...GOT IT!_

"Carol?" Payne called.

"Yes, Darling?" his lovely wife called back.

"I need a newspaper, a samurai costume, and a copy of the Court Record," Payne said. "I'm going to defeat Phoenix Wright."

* * *

_1912\. Great Britain. Onboard the _Titanic.

Winston Payne landed on top of a mechanical device.

"Ow! Stupid time machine!" he said. He stood up and rubbed his sore backside. The device lay in pieces on the floor under him.

"What is this thing, anyway? An iceberg detector? Hm." Payne put it back into its place. "Hopefully, no one will notice it's not working."

Payne headed off the large boat, and he began step one of this evil plan: read the newspaper.

The top news article was about the arrest of Apollo Wright, Phoenix Wright's ancestor! Wright was accused of murder, and it was expected that the great Sherlock Holmes would testify as a detective.

"If I interfere with the trial, Wright will be found guilty," Payne said. "Which means he'll go to jail. He won't give birth to George Wright, who won't give birth to Marty Wright, who won't give birth to Phoenix Wright! My greatest enemy will be forever defeated!"

Step two of Payne's plan was to disguise himself as a samurai. That way, no one would recognize him as a lawyer from the future. Besides, Simon Blackquill said that samurai outfits were comfortable.

Step three was the easiest part of the plan. All he had to do was step in as a prosecutor and win the trial.

...Payne lost in twenty minutes.

"DARN!" he shouted. He grabbed his time machine and went back to try again.

And again.

And again.

It took over forty tries, but Payne finally got the "guilty" verdict he was looking for! Doing a happy dance, Payne returned to the time machine.

_Now for the final, and most **evil** part of my plan,_ Payne thought, smiling viciously. _I give this Court Record to my younger self, thereby ensuring that I win every trial I prosecute! It will be brilliant!_

* * *

_Alternate 1986_

Prosecutor Payne gave a happy sigh as he leaned back in the jacuzzi. "This is the life!"

"You bet it is," April May said. She ran her fingers through his thick, luscious hair. "I'm so glad I quit my job with Bluecorp to work as your personal secretary. You're so much sexier than Redd White."

"No one is as sexy as you," Mia Fey said. She stroked Payne's bulging biceps. All that finger-pointing in court had developed his muscles quite a bit, and he sometimes did work as a male model when he tired of legal work.

"Super sexy," Maya Fey agreed.

Winston smiled. Jacuzzi time with the gorgeous April May and the equally-gorgeous Fey sisters was his favorite way to relax after a long day at the office.

The door to the room flew open, before any inappropriate behavior occurred. "Chief Prosecutor!" a deep voice said.

Payne sighed. "What do you want _now_, Edgeworth?"

Young Miles Edgeworth was a good lawyer, if a bit uptight. "I need to ask you something about the Court Record!" he said.

Payne gasped.

* * *

_Five Minutes Later_

"It was given to me by an old man," Payne said. "He looked like me, only older and not as attractive. Said he was a relative of mine. Told me to keep it safe."

Payne undid the locks on his high-security safe. Inside was the fabled Court Record.

"It tells me the verdict of every trial in advance," Payne said. "That's how I always know which cases to accept. That's how I became Chief Prosecutor and a member of the Supreme Court, in under three years."

"That's impossible!" Edgeworth said.

"It's the truth," Payne said. "Do you want to see it?"

"I...yes," Edgeworth said. In all honesty, he had come to the office to ask Payne about a completely different Court Record, but this was too good an opportunity to pass up. Edgeworth flipped through the book, which had detailed case summaries. He recognized a few of the trials that he had worked on.

When Edgeworth put the Court Record down, he found himself staring down the muzzle of a gun.

"The other Payne told me one more thing," Payne announced. "He said someday, a crazy, wild-eyed scientist or an attorney might show up, asking about that case. And if it happens…just kill him."

Payne cocked his gun and prepared to fire.

"What case?" Edgeworth asked.

"Gee, I dunno," Payne said. "I guess there was an important trial in there or something? He really should have gone into more detail."

"Indeed," Edgeworth said.

"Anyway, killing you now," Payne said. He pulled the trigger.

Reacting quickly, Edgeworth pulled a book from a nearby table and tried to use it as a shield. Little did he know that it was the book-shaped time machine! Also, the time machine was activated by bullets. When Payne's bullet hit the time machine, it sent Edgeworth and the Court Record back to an unknown point in time.

* * *

_1912\. Great Britain._

It took Edgeworth a few hours to determine when and where he was. April, 1912. By coincidence, it was the same date as the first case listed in the Court Record.

_Probably not a coincidence..._ Edgeworth thought. The Court Record said that Prosecutor W. Payne had convicted an A Wright. Edgeworth readjusted his coat and made his way to the nearest courtroom.

As soon as he entered the building, he shouted, "OBJECTION!", purely from force of habit.

Prosecutor Payne looked at him with shock. "No! NOOOO! The Time Police are here to capture me!"

"What?" Edgeworth asked.

Payne turned and fled from the courtroom. The trial ended up being delayed and rescheduled for a different date, due to the lack of a prosecutor. In the new trial, Wright was found innocent, and the original timeline was restored.

_Mostly_ restored.

"Carol, I'm back!" Payne called to his wife.

"Did your plan to defeat Phoenix Wright work?" she asked.

"No. The Time Police caught up to me," Payne sighed. He put down his briefcase and headed into the kitchen. "I was able to keep one thing from the other timeline, though."

Carol gasped in surprise as Payne entered the room. "I...is that _real?_"

"You bet it is!" Payne said. He flipped his long, luscious hair. "I'm not bald anymore!"

**The End**

* * *

_Epilogue_

"It appears I scared away the other Payne," Edgeworth said, sipping his tea. "And if the Court Record is to be believed, he no longer becomes a formidable legal powerhouse. But how do I get back to 1986?"

Edgeworth had no idea how to get out of 1912. He had accidentally dropped the book-shaped time machine, while traveling to the past. In his defense, he had been startled by the unexpected experience of travelling through time.

While Edgeworth pondered his fate, a flying train appeared in the air above the street. It landed right in front of Edgeworth, and the doors opened to reveal Detective Gumshoe.

"Prosecutor Edgeworth!" Gumshoe said. "We have to go back to the future, Pal!"

"It's about time!" Edgeworth said. "I've been waiting here for over twelve minutes!"

Gumshoe scratched the back of his new. "Sorry, Pal. I had trouble following the time machine instructions."


End file.
